Chick in a tin can

January 3, 2010

Blog_peckingattheshell_ss_1446

“Show us the road ahead.” How apropos that this came up at the new year. This is a subject I’ve been giving a lot of thought to lately. I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life. It might even be a midlife crisis, as it is only three and a half years until I’m 50 and I don’t feel like I’ve done anything particularly outstanding in or with my life.

There. I said it. 50. God, that sounds horrible when I say it out loud, especially since most of you (who I know) are younger than I, in some cases quite a bit younger, or even so much younger you’re like the children I never had! Well, at least I don’t act that old. I take some comfort in that.

You may rest assured that I will not be purchasing a red convertible.

What this crossroads business boils down to is that I feel under some time pressure to accomplish my goal of getting to London. I have set an arbitrary time frame to do it by the time I’m 50—my geographical clock is ticking. The older I get, the less job-marketable I will be, especially in another country. Hell, the less job-marketable I am in my own country. The older I get, the older my parents get. Think being an only child’s a breeze? I’ll have no one to help me with my parents in their dotage. I would like a few years to enjoy myself in England. Selfish? Yes. When I was in my 30s, I figured reproducing was the way to achieve fulfillment. That didn’t happen. Now all I can come up with is doing this huge thing for myself that at the moment seems quite monumental indeed. I ponder the idea of volunteering as a different way of developing inner peace, but it hasn’t quite taken hold.

So what I said this afternoon was that I need to resolve to put effort into taking the steps necessary to achieve the London goal, or I accept that my life will go on as before because average is just the way I am. I have ambitions but little followthrough.

And that’s what I like about sharing, even though I hardly know most of you. I was quickly encouraged to be better than average. I was quickly admonished for “premeditating” to choose to remain average (I interpret it as admonishment, let me run with that). Both sentiments are inspiring in their own way.

I feel change pecking at the shell, trying to get out.

Image from Shutterstock

2 Responses to “Chick in a tin can”

  1. Lauren Says:

    Just GO! Go for year. See if your company will let you take a sabbatical (year off, no pay, job guarantee when you return), rent out your condo, find some sort of job and flat in London and GO!There’s your cheerleading for the day.

  2. Dan Fone Says:

    Admonishment? Wasn’t intended as such but if you’re having fun running who am I to stop you? PS – I think Lauren has the right idea. Spiros and I might even meet you for a beer at the airport.


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