Billy Goat Can Float
May 18, 2010
Five years, six months ago, I was in the throes of writing, designing, and producing the First Sounds and First Rhymes series. Herewith, you will be treated to a couple of examples of my stunning writing prowess.
It???s not that I mean to be facetious about what I do for a living; it???s just that I had always envisioned something a little more highbrow for my writing endeavors. On the other hand, as these books all go into school libraries and are meant to supplement the regular reading curriculum, there are some very specific guidelines that we are required to follow and constraints that we must adhere to. In that regard, these are mini-masterpieces.
First Sounds was an A???Z series in which each book dealt with a single letter or letter combination and featured words beginning with those letters. First Rhymes also covered the alphabet, but via perfect rhymes. Both series were part of our Rebus Reader line, which meant that the first part of each book was given over to our version of rebuses for six-year-olds. The second parts of the books were simple stories illustrated by photo+clipart collages.
I have always enjoyed working on the story illustrations; we make frequent use of that style. The goofy rhyming stories are fun, too. And this was back in the day when we more heartily embraced the cookie-cutter method of graphic design.
So put on your reading glasses, sit back, and enjoy.
Eva and Ethan from the First Sounds series, ??2005 ABDO Publishing Company.
Billy Goat Can Float from the First Rhymes series, ??2006 ABDO Publishing Company.
All about chemistry
May 16, 2010
Chemistry class in college was not my friend. I squeaked by with a?? D-. ???Chemistry??? by Semisonic, on the other hand, is at the top of the class. When I sort my iPod by Play Count, that song comes out number one.
The other songs from ???All About Chemistry??? round out the rest of the top spots. I still listen to whole albums as a unit most of the time, but I also will put an artist on shuffle. Either way, I do sometimes skip songs I???m not in the mood for. So within this album, the play counts vary from 64 down to 45. I think Dan Wilson is a top songwriter.
After the ???All About Chemistry??? songs, the next most frequent is ???The Slacks??? by Trip Shakespeare, the precursor band to Semisonic. The album is ???Across the Universe.??? Trip Shakespeare also contained Dan Wilson???s brother Matt, and along with John Munson, a masterpiece was created.
Those of you who know me may be wondering, well where???s the Del Amitri and Queen? Del Amitri starts up after ???The Slacks, and begins a rotation with songs from the Trip Shakespeare album with songs from ???Change Everything??? and ???Can You Do Me Good???? The other Del Amitri albums work their way in, along with Justin Currie???s first solo album.
I have to say that now because he just released his second solo album. Dan Wilson seems to be getting recognition and writes for other acts, including the Dixie Chicks. Justin Currie is a completely underrated genius songwriter. With each new album, he only gets better, whether it was for Del Amitri, The Uncle Devil Show, or, now, himself.
At first, I was incredulous that it wasn???t a Del Amitri or Queen album that topped the list, but in a way it makes sense. Semisonic only have three full-length albums and ???All About Chemistry??? is by far my favorite. Del Amitri, Queen, and Elton John have more albums that I like more equally, so the playing gets spread around. But as artists, they probably have the most total plays.
I was a little surprised by the order of who else showed up. After the TripSonicWilson songs (as I fondly refer to the shuffle grouping of Trip Shakespeare, Semisonic, and Dan and Matt Wilson???s solo material) and Del Amitri/Justin Currie, we next have one interloping song by the Doves, ???Catch the Sun,??? then:
Scissor Sisters, Tears For Fears, Brazilian Girls, more Doves, Little River Band, The Adventures, All Seeing I, Cowboy Mouth, Gram Rabbit, Nickel Creek, Gino Vannelli, Cousteau, The Uncle Devil Show, America, Minnie Driver, October Project, Queen (finally, though I have so many albums by them, is it really representative that they???re this far down?), Robbie Williams, Shelby Lynne, Spacehog, Thomas Dolby, Babybird, Rhett Miller, Travis, ABC, Anna Fermin???s Trigger Gospel, The Cars, Chicago, Journey, Coldplay, Duran Duran, Elton John. Then the field gets more crowded, and by now you???re probably bored with the list anyway.
A thing of the past: postal mail
May 15, 2010
Last Thursday I sent more snail mail than I have in probably the last five years. You???ve heard the winging and moaning from the postal service and it???s true. The telephone and email take the place of the letters I used to write.
My most prolific letter-writing phase was during my teenage years after we moved from Ohio to Wisconsin. I left behind lifelong friends and we all did a good job keeping up. At the time, long distance was a luxury not to be squandered, and cell phones were from the Star Trek future, so we wrote letters. (Dinosaurs still roamed the Earth, too, but that???s a different story.)
In college, I still wrote letters, still to my friends and with the addition of my parents, as I was now out of town. For a couple of years I was very creative with the packaging of the letters to my parents, doing anything thing I could to avoid using a regular envelope but still have it go through on one stamp.
I gradually stopped writing letters, or sending cards, or mailing anything. Even bills I now pay electronically. I can???t remember the last time I stuck a stamp on something.
Last Wednesday, there was a flurry of address exchanging on Tweak Today, and Thursday I mailed out seven pieces. There will be a second wave in a couple of days. It???s mostly Minneapolis postcards, but for the people I know a little better, it???s more customized. I mailed two Washingtons, a California, New York, England, Scotland, and France in the first batch. I will be adding another California, a Tennessee, Idaho, Ohio, and Netherlands. I typed a couple of the email addresses incorrectly so the messages were undeliverable, so those addresses will be delayed, but I???ll still do it.
The post office clerk got a big kick out of my taking a picture before I???d relinquish my mail to him.
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May 12, 2010
Message in a bottle, yeah
May 15, 2010
As I recall, I only ever did this one time in my life when I was pretty young. I think it was in the little stream that goes through the Indiana University campus where we summered when I was little. I loved that stream, and a message in a bottle seems like something I would have done there.
Today, I was working with a much larger canvas???the Mississippi River. My office is only a few blocks from it and I met Tori for lunch at the sushi restaurant Origami in the same general direction, so I declared to my coworkers that I was taking a long lunch and set out.
I didn???t actually have a bottle so I had commandeered a small plastic jar that previously housed colored toothpicks. (We photoshoot quite a bit of food preparation at work so we actually have a pretty well-stocked pantry.) My note read:
“I am a member of a web site http://tweaktoday.com, which has daily missions for its members. Today I am sending a message in a bottle.??I dropped this jar in the Mississippi River at the Hennepin Avenue Bridge in downtown Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, on May 14, 2010. Its first obstacles will have been the Upper and Lower St. Anthony Falls and U.S. Lock & Dam #1. If it made it through all that without being destroyed, please do me a favor: surf to http://tweaktoday.com/missions_accomplished/2010/5/14 and let me know that you found it.”
I printed it on bright yellow paper so that maybe the jar would be more noticeable in the water and perhaps thus be more likely to provoke interest should someone see it along shore. Then just because, I also included a little plastic alien. Cracker Jack it isn???t, but I was trying to do what I could to promote a response by the finder.
As it turns out, the St. Anthony Falls and Lock and Dam were not the first obstacles my little jar encountered. I biked over to Origami and as I sped around the corner from Hennepin Avenue onto Washington Avenue, the jar flew out of my shorts pocket into the road. I screeched to a halt (well, you know, as much as screeching is necessary when you were only going 12 or 13 mph to begin with) and parked my bike on the sidewalk. Trafffic on Washington was still stopped for the red light, but turning left right behind me from Hennepin was a city bus. I dashed into the road and snatched the jar back from what certainly would have been a flattening with just moments to spare. I oriented it the other way in my pocket and went on to have an enjoyable lunch.
Once at the river after lunch, it took me a few minutes to find the perfect spot from which to launch the jar. I first went to a place where steps take you right down to the water, but I quickly determined that I wouldn???t be able to throw the jar far enough to get it into water that was moving forward in a decisive manner and that it would probably just bounce along the bank for not very far. I took the photo and concluded that I had to go onto the Hennepin Avenue Bridge (in the background) and drop the jar from there.
A few minutes later I was in place about a third of the way along the bridge. I was paranoid about getting ticketed for littering, so I waited about five minutes until the gap between pedestrians was large enough that I felt I could make my pitch without anybody being very sure about what I had done or being so interested that they felt the need to stop and chat about it.
In hindsight, I should have gone further toward the middle of the bridge. The jar caught the current, but it looked like its trajectory was going to take it into the Lock and Dam to the right in the photo (more hazardous) rather than more toward the middle to the Falls (more natural). Hopefully it will make the pass through the lock with a little pleasure boat rather than a freighter. And I really hope somebody finds the jar and picks it up and responds, preferably from out of town or, better yet, out of state.
My mailbox ??? it balances out
May 11, 2010
Such a thrilling topic. It???s not. The significant thing about my mailboxes through the residences is that most have ended up being the one that contained the master lock for the mail carrier. I???m happy to help out, but a lot of times it means that my missives get squished because the panel has to be able to be closed back up, and my Saturday grocery flyer is in the way. On the other hand, as a result of not having had any credit cards for a number of years, at least half the time I don???t have any mail at all. Overall, I can???t complain.
Childhood food memories, part 2: family routine
May 5, 2010
When you were a kid, was there something that your family always did on a particular day of the week? The one I remember was grilled cheese sandwiches and sardines in front of the tv on Sunday nights.
I have doublechecked with my parents who are visiting this week and according to their accounts, I am actually merging two memories.
Usually we ate in the kitchen, at the table. And as I believe I have previously recounted, I often had the unpleasant experience of remaining at said table until I had eaten the last bite of food on my plate. When this involved liver, particularly chicken liver, a large part of my evening was wasted.
But on two nights of the week, I knew I would be safe. On those nights, we ate fun stuff in the living room in front of the tv while we watched my parents’ favorite shows.??
The appointment viewing that I remember was for Mary Tyler Moore and All in the Family, and Lawrence Welk and Andy Williams. But I got my meals mixed up.
Those shows must have been for pizza night on Saturdays. On parent or the other would run downtown to pick up a pie from John & Toni???s, and then we???d sit on the living room floor and dine while viewing.
The routine I remember more vividly was Sundays, when we???d have grilled cheese sandwiches and sardines. My dad says the show we watched was Ed Sullivan, of which I have no recollection. But I do remember that minding the sandwiches in the oven was one of my early cooking responsibilities. My mom would prepare the sandwiches and pop them in to brown, and I was in charge of telling her when they were toasted and ready to be flipped. I took this duty very seriously.??
When the sandwiches were served, the plate was garnished with sardines. I thought it was just something we did; my dad said it was a tradition in his family. This weekend I enjoyed the combination for the first time in thrity years and it was delicious.
Childhood food memories, part 1: bowl licking
May 5, 2010
This is a tale of two eaties???one depravation and one satisfaction. We are American. In the big scheme of things, my family and I didn???t (and don???t) want for things. My 10-year-old self would both beg to differ and look forward to next week.
In the context of this conversation, one of the best times I had as a kid was helping my friend Denise make a cake. She was a year older than I, and I???m going to guess we were about nine and ten. I come up with this estimation because at the time, Denise???s next door neighbor was Tracy and a strong memory I have about Tracy is that Melanie???s song ???Brand New Key??? was popular. Maybe we we were more like ten and eleven and by that time Denise had become my flute mentor in band.
But there are two things that I most remember about Denise. Her dog Tippy, a yappy Pomeranian, chewed up the pink car in my Game of Life that I???d take over to her house because we loved playing. Denise was the one who first told me that fuck meant ???to get married in a not nice way.??? Denise???s chemist dad brought home for me the substances needed to make my own super-bounce ball for a science project. I accidentally wiped out on Denise???s brand new banana seat bike while she was inside eating supper and I never fessed up. And when Denise made that cake in my presence, I got to lick out the bowl.
That was an incredibly big deal to me because not only was I not given autonomy in making a cake in the first place???though I often got to hold the hand mixer and lick off the beaters???but my mom was a firm believer in every drop of batter going into the pan. When Denise made the cake from beginning to end, I was aghast when she seemed to leave half of the mix in the bowl, certain that she???d get in trouble, and then overjoyed when she asked if I wanted to lick out the bowl. I was absolutely gobsmacked that she didn???t want to herself, but I guess that???s the blas?? attitude you develop when you get to do something all the time.
As an adult, I leave a satisfactory amount of batter in the bowl every time. And you know what, Mom? It turns out just fine.
Appreciate your hot shower
May 3, 2010
It was brought to my attention a week ago just how for granted I take things like water, both potable and, as it applies here, hot.
I don???t ask for style from my person hygiene routine, only cleanliness. In February, I stopped combing and blow drying my hair after my daily shower because I discovered that as my hair gets ever longer, the absence of those two actions allows the natural curl to flourish. I did not stop taking the shower itself, though.
However, due to my own laziness and fiscal irresponsibility, I ignored paying my natural gas bill to the point where my service was cut off. Since it was the end of April (and now the first weekend in May), that wasn???t too much of a problem from the heat standpoint. But from the morning shower standpoint, it was nearly devastating.
The gas company doesn???t let you off easy. They freak you out. Their website says things like, ???Please allow two to five business days for your payment to be processed. After that, please allow five to ten business days for your service to be reconnected.???
It was on Thursday that I came home to find the disconnection noticed stuffed between my doors. It was too late to make a payment yet that day. I freaked out. I love my shower. I had plans to go out Friday night.
I have this Pavlovian routine with my hot water heater which is fueled by gas. At some time in the evening after about 8:00, I run the hot water for a minute or a few, until I hear the burner poof on. That way, I know I???ll have water as hot as I desire for my shower the following morning. When I don???t do that, the water is warm, but not satisfyingly hot hot.
So when I read the disconnection notice, I didn???t think about the dishes to do on the kitchen counter or the loads of laundry that I still haven???t done. No, my only thought was please let the water be lukewarm enough to be tolerable for a shower Friday morning.
It was. Barely. But enough. It was like when you were a kid and went to the swimming pool in August. The water had been sun-warmed all summer and it felt a little cool when you first jumped in, but after a few minutes you were used to it. Only difference was, I wasn???t out in the high summer sunshine.
I called the utility company to make payment arrangements and was thrilled to find out that the gas guy could come over Saturday morning to reconnect the gas and relight the pilot lights on my furnace and hot water heater. He said to give the water forty-five minutes to heat up.
I did, and it was my most enjoyable shower in some time.
April 27
Time is an illusion
May 1, 2010
Meet the masters of my morning, Alarm Clock, Bathroom Clock, and Kitchen Clock. Together, they perform the amazing feat of getting me out the door and to work relatively on time.
I???m lucky that my office is pretty flexible about arrival time. My bosses only ask that we are there by 9:30 and put our eight hours in. Some people get there much earlier, some of us get there right around that time.
I am not a morning person, and even though I adore sleeping and wish I did more of it, I often stay up later than I meant to; case in point right now, though I did just get home from a show. But you will notice that I am not going right to bed, even though it is midnight:30 and I want to get up promptly tomorrow morning to fit some things in before I need to be someplace at noon.
So in order to increase the chances that I???ll do the responsible thing day after day and get to work on time, I engage in self-trickery with my analog clocks. You know, the ones that are willing accomplices because they aren???t governed by a network time server. Alarm Clock is set five minutes fast, and Bathroom Clock and Kitchen Clock are set about seven or eight minutes fast.
When I use Alarm Clock, I rarely don???t set it for on the hour, whatever hour that is. I don???t believe in the seven-minute snooze???what use is that? You can???t work up a good head of sleep in seven minutes. No, I work with sixty-minute snoozes because I reset the alarm time, and that???s easiest to do in whole hours. Very occasionally, I???ll reset it for half past, but not usually because that would take, like, fifteen seconds to wait for the minutes to get to 30. I want to be back in bed, man.
By the time I stop at my computer to check in with my peeps on the way from my bed to my shower (because I???m so pathetic that I can???t wait half an hour until I could multitask it with eating breakfast), it appears to be about twenty after the hour. I get anxious and move fast.
Summer is a wonderful thing because I can ride my bike to work, which takes about eight minutes less than walking to the light rail station, waiting for the next train, and enduring the seven minute ride. Work is 1.75 miles away and the bike ride takes about 10 minutes. I know how to hit the traffic lights.
But if I do take the light rail, I know that my preferred carriage, the 9:11, almost always comes two minutes early, so I???m doing alright if I???m walking out the door when Kitchen Clock says 9:10.
The light rail platform clocks are obviously on a network time server because they match my iPhone exactly. For the rest of the day, then, I???m on precise time until Alarm Clock takes back over at bedtime and I think, uh oh, I???m getting to bed five even more minutes later than I meant to.
I love to sleep
April 29, 2010
Don???t most people? I would think so. But I know one person, @aaronh, who seems to have superhuman abilities to exist on subhuman amounts of sleep. Four or five hours a night for weeks on end? Come on. I???m tanked if I have two nights in a row of seven or fewer.
I know other people who keep vampire hours and don???t go to bed until the wee hours of the morning. But that???s a little different, because @someToast doesn???t seem to knock himself out getting up in the morning, so the quantity of hours is probably still there.
I, on the other hand, neither stay up late nor scrimp on hours.??
That doesn’t mean that I don’t often feel like I wished I had slept more. In reality I get seven to nine hours of sleep most nights. The exception is Thursday nights when I stay out late after bowling, whooping it up at karaoke. I get to bed between 1:00 and 2:30, depending on how much I???m singing.
But most of the time I go to bed between, say, 11:00 and 12:30 and actually get up at 8:00. Since I???ve been writing this blog, bedtime has crept later. I sit down for some quick writing and the next thing I know, what I thought I???d dash off in thirty to forty minutes has taken me an hour and a half,??????????1` (cat landing on laptop) and it???s an hour later than I had in mind. That lateness is facilitated as well, I believe, by my afternoon coffee habit, which I am seeking to get out of this week. Caffeine has a marked effect on me and even if it???s only mid-afternoon when I have some, it???s enough to keep me feeling peppy later than I should at night.
Sleeping more than is practical isn???t helped by the fact that I have a nice bed, and give myself a sleeping environment that is low on temperature and high on covers. When you???re that comfortable, can fault be found that you just want to stay there? And if you???re laying down you might as well stay asleep. Plus, for me anyway, when I???m half-sleeping in the morning because my subconscious knows that I should really get up so it doesn???t let me fall fully back to sleep, my other subconscious is going to town giving me absolutely wacky dreams. I like those dreams a lot and I treasure the experience. It???s especially fun when the dream involves people you see frequently in life and is so vivid that the next time you that person, you have to wonder for a few seconds whether that actually happened or not. Sometimes in those dreams, I even do fictional work work, such as writing It???s a Baby Armadillo, and hang out with people I???ve never met.
There???s nothing not good about sleeping. Plus, you get to snuggle with critters.
Kelly’s Unnecessary Blog 