Getting my hard on

January 27, 2011


Yesterday we got to talking about what you’d like to experience if you were the opposite gender for a day. 

Many answers were predictably about having sex in various ways. Saxchik’s list was comprised of many things I already do—”First, I’d open every jar in the pantry, then I’d kill some bugs, then I’d fix things around the house, then I’d take out the trash, then I’d build a fire, drink a beer and jerk off for the rest of the day.”

I don’t understand about opening every jar in the pantry and I don’t have a fireplace. But I do kill bugs (specifically the centipedes that come with an old, garden-level apartment) and fix things around the house (such as replacing my bathroom faucet and toilet handle and plunger, and installing a programable thermostat). Of course I take out the trash, and if you’ve been a reader for any length of time you’ll have figured out that I adore beer.

Jerking off was almost interesting, but it didn’t quite capture the essence I was seeking. Sure, it’s something that as a woman I can’t do (well, at least not like that), but it’s not something I’ve ever wondered about. It was a conversation later in the evening about beer that gave me my eureka moment.

If, as a woman, I were a man for a day, I think it would be fascinating to have an erection. It must be such an odd sensation.

I suppose you men as men don’t often think about what’s going on when it’s happening. I suppose that, just as I have to carry my breasts around all day every day and they hold no mystique for me, the physiology of your erections probably doesn’t usually warrant a second thought by you. When you had your first one way back when, do you remember if you contemplated it as some weird, new feeling in your body?

Oddly enough (or maybe not, any of you other gals?), I often dream at night that I have a penis. Sometimes it’s limp, sometimes it’s hard, seldom am I doing anything with it in the dream, and it almost always breaks off at some point causing me to feel very disappointed. It’s not that I secretly wish I were a man—at least I don’t think I do but maybe my subconscious knows something I don’t (where’s Sigmund Freud when you need him?). But I do have complex feelings about how men treat and objectify women and society’s general tolerance and reinforcement of such behavior and that, for as far as gender equality has come, the balance of power still tips in favor of men. So my dream penis is probably the manifestation of my desire to have the same kind of power that men have.

So, if you could be the opposite sex for a day, what would you most like to do and/or experience?


Fruit image by SuperStock

One Response to “Getting my hard on”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    /ponders.I cannot ever remember dreaming about being a man, or having a penis. Not as myself. I have on occasion been a specific other person in a dream, and sometimes that person would be male, but I was very definitely not "me".I’ve also never had the being at school/work without my clothes dream, that many people talk about having some version of.Lots of flying dreams though, when I was a kid. Plenty of arriving totally unprepared for an important test type of dreams too.

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